we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
