carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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