i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
