Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
