i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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