I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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