OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i came on her dog
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
