Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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