1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
