Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
