Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
