Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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