wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
