does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
