I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
