this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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