Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
