you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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