you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
