Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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