She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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