He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
