did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
