Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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