I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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