Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
