Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
