the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
