Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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