I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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