Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
