Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
