In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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