Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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