I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
