As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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