Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
