turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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