I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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