imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
