I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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