party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
