So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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