at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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