My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
