Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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