Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
