im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
