its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize