I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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