If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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