Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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