my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
