Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
