I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
