I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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