i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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