I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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