Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
