She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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