tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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