Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
