This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
