Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
