just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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