I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
