You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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