This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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