Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
