Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
