Screwed.edu
I just threw up on my dentist
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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