My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
