just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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