Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
