Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
