we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
