he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
