Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
