I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
