im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
