she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize