I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize