OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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