I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
