What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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