I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
