I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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