Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
