she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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