Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
