doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
