i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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