yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize