Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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