Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
