ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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