i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
