I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize