The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
