i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
