if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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